Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
