3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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