we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize