I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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