You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize