when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
