they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
