I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
