what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
