In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
