my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
