please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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