chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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