I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
