my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
