Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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