I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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