Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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