I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
