Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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