I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
