Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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