Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
