you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
