I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
