I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
