no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
someone threw a dead crab at me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
