Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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