i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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