**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
