It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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