The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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