i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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