Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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