I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm jealous of your bromance
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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