I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
