never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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