I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
