my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
