If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
