his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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