i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
