I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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