my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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