I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
