Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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