I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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