i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
as a side note pls kill me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
