We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
