Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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