Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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