Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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