when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
