In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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