You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
