fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize