I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
