You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
