I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Two words: nipple clamps
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