Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
