Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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