It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate all girls vehemently.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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