belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
