see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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