I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
