I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
