what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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