I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
