he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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