I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
