You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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