u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize