if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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