I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
