my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
