I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
