So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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