i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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