I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
