I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
