i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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