Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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