I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
