Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
