I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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