Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
