fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
