just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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