I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
