I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
