no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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