so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
