I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
