Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
