I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
