Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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