Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
