I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
