Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
