Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
