White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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