I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
