'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
