I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
