Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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