did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
