Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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